MARCH 16, 02012 (the extra '0' is to eliminate confusion when we reach the year 10000)
As we all say "bidey-bye" to sanity, clean air, tuna,and Taiwan...
"High Tide" (Drug Dealers Cleaning Up Their Act?)
Life is truly a soap opera. It seems that laundry detergent ("Tide", in particular) has become coin of the realm in the illicit drug market. Addicts are committing daring daylight heists at stores which carry the popular P&G product. Then they trade it directly to their dealer in return for drugs, or hustle it on the street at local laundromats. As we bid a nostalgic farewell to the halcyon days of the diamond-encrusted dope pusher, we can take comfort that at least his "whites are whiter and his colors are brighter".
"See Level" (Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back In The Water)
Recent estimates indicate nearly 4 million people worldwide now live in "High Tide" coastal regions which could face inundation as the effects of Global Warming continue to change our environment. So, start washing your clothes in cold water before we all end up underwater
... and be sure to add "Tidal Pool Party" to your household activity list.
"Washed Up" (Sorry, We're Fresh Out Of Paddles...)
Meanwhile, Global Warming guru, Al Gore, speaking before a disgruntled group of polar bears in Washington this week, was quoted as saying,"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
"Soap" (The Yardstick Of Civilization)
"Lye -- the crucial ingredient. Ancient peoples found their clothes got cleaner if they washed them at a certain spot in the river. Why? Because, human sacrifices were once made on the hills above this river. Year after year, bodies burnt. Rain fell. Water seeped through the wood ashes to become lye. The lye combined with the melted fat of the bodies, till a thick white soapy discharge crept into the river. The first soap was made from the ashes of heroes.
If you were to add nitric acid to the soap-making process, one would get nitroglycerin. With enough soap, one could blow up the world, if one were so inclined." -(Chuck Palahniuk, "Fight Club")
If you no longer wish to be exposed to this type of inane drivel, feel free to permanently "unfriend" me on "Hatebook", my new antisocial network.
-brought to you by the National Sarcasm Society (like we need YOUR support...)
"Mobilis In Mobili"
(Changing through the changing medium)